My will be done!

I was in middle school when I lost someone that I loved, deeply loved like a brother, in a tragic accident.  I was confused.  I was hurt.  I was angry.

Why, God, why?  He was young, full of life, kind, and loved You!  This is not part of my will!

Be still, my child, and watch Me work.  My will be done!

And in the days, weeks, months and even years after his death - God has used him, my amazing friend, to win people for Christ.  

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The summer I turned 14 my parents left the church my dad had been pastoring for almost 10 years.  I had to say "goodbye" to everything and everyone I knew.  I was sad.  I was scared.  I was anxious.  

How, God, could You take me away?  My parents can still serve You without us moving!  This is not supposed to be part of the plan!

I have a future for you.  My will be done!

It was because of my parents' obedience to God, and their decision to follow His call to move our family, that I have the life I have today - my husband, my children, my home.

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After college I could not find a teaching position in Rochester and began to feel God pulling me in the direction of opening a preschool for myself.  I spent years of preparing.  Writing the business plan. Attaining my DBA. Securing a venue. Purchasing supplies. Figuring out payroll. Finding employees. One week before opening day I had to shut everything down.  I didn't have enough enrollment.  I was unemployed and devastated!  

God, this can't be happening!  I know I felt YOU calling me to do this!

I have greater plans.  My will be done!

The day I made the decision to let go of the preschool I got a call from the principal at Bread of Life Christian Academy (the former Calvary Rochester school) for an interview as their new 3rd grade teacher.  I began working my dream job three days later.

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5 years into my marriage and the pregnancy tests kept showing "negative" results.  I was filled with grief.

God, where are the children I desire?  It's not fair!  All I've ever wanted in life was to be a wife and mom!

I am using you right where you are.  My will be done!

For several years I had the opportunity to teach in a classroom and mold the lives of children. Children who also taught me many things.  Children I still think fondly of and pray for regularly - they are children I likely would have never known if I already had a young family of my own.  It was right around the time that the school was beginning to consider closing its doors that I became pregnant with Isabella - at this stage in life I was in a position to become a stay-at-home-mom.  Then, to our surprise, Abigail would soon be joining us too!

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December 22, 2011 is when Dave was given the cancer diagnosis.  It meant surgery and treatments.  It meant an unknown future and apprehension.  It meant no more biological children.  I was broken on the inside even while trying to stay composed on the outside.

My husband?  God?!?!?!

You need to trust me.  My will be done!

Had our family not faced this trial we would not have pursued foster care and Aidan would not be ours today.  

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There are many more instances I could share with you when life has seemed to be unfair.  When I don't understand God's will.  When I think my own plan is better.  But - in the end - it's always clear that God's way truly is the best.

In Luke 22, following the last supper eaten with His disciples, Jesus is praying on The Mount of Olives.  We know from verse 44 that He was agonizing over what was coming.  Jesus was literally in such anguish that, as he was earnestly praying, his body began to sweat blood!  In verse 42 He cries out to God "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me..."  But, that's not where he finishes.  While I would be waiting for God to change His plan to one that was better for me - Jesus actually does the exact opposite!  Jesus says "...yet not my will, but yours be done."  

Essentially, what Jesus is saying is -  These people will mock me?  Your will be done!  They will brutally beat me?  Your will be done!  This crowd is going to hang me on a cross and watch as I suffer a cruel and painful death?  Your will be done!  How overwhelmingly incredible!! 

Yet, this beautiful story of redemption does not end there.  In Luke 24, three days after his crucifixion, several women go to see Jesus at the tomb only to discover that His body is gone!  Angles then appear to these women and say "Why do you look for the living among the dead?  he is not here; he has risen!  Remember how he told you... The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again."

The very-much-alive Jesus himself then appears to two men on the Road to Emmaus, then to the disciples, and again to a crowd before ascending into heaven.

Had Jesus not been willing to fulfill God's will, then we would not have the hope of Heaven.  If He had not lived a perfect sinless life...  If He had not been crucified...  If He had not been dead and buried...  If he had not been brought back to life three days later...  If He had not loved YOU and ME enough to do all these things, then YOU and ME would never have the joy of living for all eternity in the presence of God!  

Do I always understand God's plan for my life?  Of course not!  Does being a follower of Christ mean there won't be difficult times?  No!

Our lead pastor, David Whiting, at Northridge has been working his way through 1 Corinthians the past 14 months.  Several weeks ago he talked in depth about 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 and ended the service with his public resignation.  I am sad.  I am mourning the loss.  This is not part of my will.  But, may God's will be done - a will that's far greater - with a much higher purpose - than my own!

There is something David said that I will remember for years to come - "Whatever phase of life you are in you must; be on your guard, stand firm in the faith, be courageous, be strong and do everything in love."

As we prepare to celebrate Easter - as we look to the cross - let's put aside our own plans.  Let's stop dwelling on what we want and focus instead on the things Jesus has already done and what God still desires to do!

Photo Credit and Design: Sarah Ohl