Letting go of my control: Inside the mind of an allergy mom.
Hi there - it's me.... again - the always-nervous-and-slightly-hysterical allergy mom. (If you're new to my blog you can catch up here.)
I am a stay at home mom. I love being a stay at home mom. Having all my littles around brings a joy to my heart that is indescribable I like that they're young - that I can be part of shaping who they are, encourage them in good friendships, help them make the best choices - that I have some control over their environment and surroundings. Then, they leave for school.
It was challenging enough (in 2014) when I had to say "goodbye" to Isabella, our sweet and sensitive oldest daughter, and watch as she mounted those giant school bus steps - that I am pretty certain are much bigger than the legs of most 5 year olds - and trust other adults to keep her safe in the 8 hours she spends away from home each day.
It's hard enough to sit at home and pray that your child finds kind friends, makes good choices and does the right thing in difficult circumstances. It's painful enough to go from spending 12 hours a day with these little people you've created to 4 hours. That's right... only F.O.U.R. - most of which are spent wrapped up in homework, bath time and dinner.
And now, on September 7th (2016) I get to do it all over again. This time with Abigail, our spunky and sassy middle child, who (oh by the way) has life threatening - as in carries a medicine bag everywhere she goes because her throat can close up and she will suffocate - allergies! I'm a mess. One of those ugly-cry-hot-mess type of messes Not only do I need to trust other people with her precious heart and mind, but I need to trust these people to keep her alive... literally.
Trust. It's not easy. It's something that is hard to earn yet easy to take away. People make mistakes. In the case of Abbi, a mistake cannot be made. I feel anxious over letting her out of my watchful care. I worry about what could happen in those hours she will be spending away from home. I panic over the very thought of getting a call from school because she's had a reaction.
But, I'm also thankful. Thankful that God does not make mistakes. Thankful that Abbi, our surprise child, is part of a bigger picture and that He is weaving her life into something beautiful. Thankful that our girls, both of them, are being continuously watched by the same Creator who perfectly formed their very beings and knows each hair on their beautiful blonde heads. Thankful that, even when I fail and worry about things that are far out of my control, He never changes, He never leaves us and He never fails us. Thankful that this is not, and never has been, my battle to fight alone.
I know I'm not the only one struggling today with a difficult circumstance. Join me and let us lay it all at the feet of Jesus! Let Him renew us and fill us up with His goodness.
God, thank You. Thank You for giving us peace in difficult times. Thank You for the many promises that are in Your Word. Thank You for the hope we have in the Cross. You are good, God, and You don't make mistakes - You don't fail us even when the people, the world, around us seem to be. Today we cast our cares - our hurt, our worry, our anger, our bitterness, our anxiety - before You knowing that You care for us. In the perfect name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
I am a stay at home mom. I love being a stay at home mom. Having all my littles around brings a joy to my heart that is indescribable I like that they're young - that I can be part of shaping who they are, encourage them in good friendships, help them make the best choices - that I have some control over their environment and surroundings. Then, they leave for school.
Side note:
I've been asked many times. especially since I have a degree in elementary and special education, why we have chosen not to home school. Dave and I feel God has called us to send our kids to public schools where we, as a family, can make a difference in the lives of the people there that we meet.
It was challenging enough (in 2014) when I had to say "goodbye" to Isabella, our sweet and sensitive oldest daughter, and watch as she mounted those giant school bus steps - that I am pretty certain are much bigger than the legs of most 5 year olds - and trust other adults to keep her safe in the 8 hours she spends away from home each day.
It's hard enough to sit at home and pray that your child finds kind friends, makes good choices and does the right thing in difficult circumstances. It's painful enough to go from spending 12 hours a day with these little people you've created to 4 hours. That's right... only F.O.U.R. - most of which are spent wrapped up in homework, bath time and dinner.
And now, on September 7th (2016) I get to do it all over again. This time with Abigail, our spunky and sassy middle child, who (oh by the way) has life threatening - as in carries a medicine bag everywhere she goes because her throat can close up and she will suffocate - allergies! I'm a mess. One of those ugly-cry-hot-mess type of messes Not only do I need to trust other people with her precious heart and mind, but I need to trust these people to keep her alive... literally.
Trust. It's not easy. It's something that is hard to earn yet easy to take away. People make mistakes. In the case of Abbi, a mistake cannot be made. I feel anxious over letting her out of my watchful care. I worry about what could happen in those hours she will be spending away from home. I panic over the very thought of getting a call from school because she's had a reaction.
But, I'm also thankful. Thankful that God does not make mistakes. Thankful that Abbi, our surprise child, is part of a bigger picture and that He is weaving her life into something beautiful. Thankful that our girls, both of them, are being continuously watched by the same Creator who perfectly formed their very beings and knows each hair on their beautiful blonde heads. Thankful that, even when I fail and worry about things that are far out of my control, He never changes, He never leaves us and He never fails us. Thankful that this is not, and never has been, my battle to fight alone.
I know I'm not the only one struggling today with a difficult circumstance. Join me and let us lay it all at the feet of Jesus! Let Him renew us and fill us up with His goodness.
God, thank You. Thank You for giving us peace in difficult times. Thank You for the many promises that are in Your Word. Thank You for the hope we have in the Cross. You are good, God, and You don't make mistakes - You don't fail us even when the people, the world, around us seem to be. Today we cast our cares - our hurt, our worry, our anger, our bitterness, our anxiety - before You knowing that You care for us. In the perfect name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
- 1 Peter 5:7 -
because I can struggle with anxiety as well, as hard as I try not to, I completely understand. what I know I believe and what I fear constantly fight each other! This is my verse.... 'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 I rely on the fact that He will hold me, whatever is my circumstance...even when I must tell myself that every minute..... Love you Cassie!
ReplyDeleteLeigh, you are amazing! Thank you for sharing your heart. I'll pray for you each time I think of my own family. Love you, so very much!
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